What it seems to be
Something said with affection.
What it really is
A piece of the Italian welfare system.
Foreigners visiting Italy quickly notice one thing.
Grandparents are everywhere.
Outside schools.
In parks.
Queuing at the paediatrician’s.
At the supermarket with a grandchild by the hand.
The first explanation is almost always the same:
“How lovely. Italians are very close to their families.”
True.
But that is only half the story.
Italy is one of the world’s longest-lived countries. This means many children are fortunate enough to grow up with their grandparents still around. But the Italian peculiarity is not simply that grandparents live a long time.
It is that they keep working.
They do not receive a salary.
They receive phone calls.
“Mamma, riesci a prendere Matteo all’asilo?”
“Papà, puoi aspettare il tecnico del gas?”
“Ci tenete i bambini un paio d’ore?”
“Passi tu in farmacia?”
In a great many Italian families, two parents can work full time because, on the other side of town, two retired people have already reorganised their day.
They take the grandchildren to school.
Make lunch.
Look after them when they are ill.
Take care of them during the summer holidays.
Allow the parents to work overtime.
This is not occasional help.
It is an organisation.
That is why, in Italy, grandparents are not simply the older members of the family.
They are part of its invisible infrastructure.
Many people interpret this presence as purely cultural.
In reality, it is economic too.
Not always enough childcare.
Expensive services.
Long working hours.
The family adapts.
And almost always, the first number to call is not a babysitter.
It is Grandma.
Or Grandpa.
Naturally, all this comes at a price.
Many Italian grandparents discover that retirement does not mean free time, but a new job. It is just that nobody calls it that.
Scene
— Ciao mamma, scusa... faccio tardi.
— Dimmi.
— Riesci a prendere Luca all’asilo?
— Certo.
— E magari tenerlo fino alle sette?
— Va bene. Gli preparo anche qualcosa da mangiare.
It is Tuesday.
The key to understanding it
In Italy, grandparents are not only the family’s memory. They are part of the way the family manages to function. And perhaps the question is not why they are so present, but how the country would function if, starting tomorrow, they decided to retire for real.